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Jeff Koons at The Serpentine? We don’t mind if we don’t.

Something fishy going on

No, be fair. This is quite funny. It’s called Acrobat and it shows a blow-up lobster balancing on a chair and a waste-paper basket – aka bin. It’s just one of many fun exhibits on show by one Mr. Jeff Koons off-of fucking la Cicciolina. In ceramics.

Yes, the man who brought you that de-lovely porcelain Michael J. Ackson and Bubbles piece has got his own one-man show at The Serpentine, featuring a lot of blow up business like this (there’s quite a funny caterpillar coming through a step ladder and a doggy paddling pool containing some, erm, logs), some photos (a pair of gold panties photoshopped onto some gonks) and some other bits and bobs.

Childish, immature and actually really nice to see, it’s a ‘world beyond taste’ according to The Guardian and it starts on 2nd July. Which is this Thursday coming by our admittedly printed-in-China diaries.

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Proof there is a fat gene. And an ugly one, but that’s just rude so we won’t say that.

Phil Mitchell?


It’s something that’s worried us over many a second, but why is it that Wayne Rooney is still off-of lumpen despite being a professional runner-around-a-pitch-er…? Hmmmn? Surely it just can’t be the Liverpudlian in him, can it? Or is that a rhetorical question? Is it? Not? Maybe just a little?

Either way, if we were running around after a pleather affair for several hours a day and still looked like an egg, we’d ask for our money back.

The end.

ps. We’re pretty sure someone somewhere is muttering under their enraged breath, ‘Yeah, but it’s just because you’re jealous that he has more money than you and I bet you’re all old and fat and ugly.’

Correct on one count. (The money, people, the money…!)

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Guess who this is? Is it Eminem? Is it Enrique Iglesias?

If she was a boy

No, silly, it’s Mariah Carey! We know! She really needs to get some bleach on that!

Actually, it’s for her new video for ‘Obsession’ and according to saucies, it’s supposed to be taking the piss out of Eminem. As if anyone needed to do that, right?

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And just because it’s the anniversary of Stonewall… Stonewall, the movie, with drag queens singing Shangri La’s songs and everything…

God bless 'em

Just some really, like, cheeeenius scenes from Stonewall, a movie about the night that started it all that you don’t hear of any more. Make sure you stay for ‘Sophisticated Boom Boom’ at the end.

*curtseys, turns, wobbles on perspex-heels, regains composure, exeunt* (more…)

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Which husband of Hollywood movie star Demi Moore has an arse like this? Clue: it’s not Bruce Willis.

You so would

It’s plump, it’s hairless, it’s on the other end of Ashton Kutcher. Yes! It’s Ashton Kutcher’s heiny as seen in the trailer for the new movie Spread (well, go on then), where he plays the toy boy of Anne Heche, who used to be a lesbian. Before that she wasn’t. Now she isn’t anymore.

In the film he plays a guy who comes to Hollywood to live the easy life at the expense of older women. As if, right? You could even see the trailer here if you wanted. No pressure. 

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40 years ago today the gays were revolting!

Kick 'em up the cunt!

Look at these happy gays and drag queens, fresh from giving the fuzz a kick up the cunt!

Yes, history-lovers, it’s forty years – to the day! – since a bunch of raggedy drag queens and the gays they hung out with decided, in the words of Donna and Barbra, that enough was enough (no more tears).

The police raided the Stonewall Inn – it’s still there in Greenwich Village in London’s glittering New York – one too many times; threw drag queens in the back of police wagons a little too heftily; and generally acted like a bunch o’pigs. They’re still defending their actions to this day, by the way: a top policeman from the time said only last week that they were only doing their job guvnor. And any money that may have been taken in bribes went direct to a children’s charity. Or something.

And so the gays, with their usual flair for comedy, calling themselves the Pink Panthers – you know, like the Black Panthers only foxier – started to chuck stuff at the police, barracaded themselves in the bar and generally kicked off days of rioting. OK, rioting lite.

Whatever. It was the birth of the bona fide gay movement, the first ever Gay Pride was held the following year to commemorate that night and here we all are with a legacy *dabs eye… watering from a previous plastic surgery incident* that includes Bette and Cher and tight swimwear and Madonna and cockrings and bumming in public and poppers… Any other suggestions?

*runs rainbow flag up a flagpole that has miraculously appeared from the ground*

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Matching bikes, jeans, tops, arms and smirks… they must be bumming.

Who's the greedy bottom?

So this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down Anderson Cooper.

Now Anderson Cooper is both a silver fox and a newscaster, which is quite some feat. You wouldn’t get Sir Trevor ‘can’t even read an autocue’ McDonut multi-tasking with such flair. He’s also not especially well-known in Her Majesty’s Kingdom off-of U, unless you’re a homosexual and/or you get (this is) CNN on the tellybox. And we’re neither homosexual nor have TV, so we’re a bit flummoxed at this point. *Oooh, cock…*

So any and ways, this picture shows Anderson Cooper – who we’re led to believe is a greedy top – and a gennelman off-of muscles. Put muscles and a silver fox together, and what do you get? Bum-chums. Add to that the fact that they’re matching in almost every way (eugh, incidentally), and you’ve got a fully fledged relationship with human emotions involved and everything. Not that we’d know what one of those was like.


Was that fun for anyone?



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Forget six packs. It’s all about the 12 pack now.

Imagine the bed sheets

Not known for his restraint, dolly old John Galliano has decided that six packs are totally last season – daaaahling – and what you need now is a 12-pack. Even if you have to paint it on, like this child who seems to us to be wearing his belly button very high this year.

Yep, that bit where you don’t actually have abdominal muscles must shape up and get with the programme. As for the rest, it seems like very thick fake tan is the order du jour, while clothing is pretty much what it’s been at Galliano for quite some time now: black, gold, writing… very big in Dubai, let’s just say.

Jump the jump to see yellow skimpies, floral head-dresses and enough body paint to create your own personal bedtime dirty protest… (more…)

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