Because, you gays, in case you didn’t realise it, your life is ‘unfulfilled, lacking, impulsive, compulsive, and fraught with health risks’. Oh, yes. And straight people live in meadows with the fairies, eating only milk and honey, never smoking or drinking or catching the measles. According to a retarded member of what is known as The Cloth. Though we have actually – scientifically! – heard more sense from a J-Cloth.
So, the Cloth in question is one Pastor Mark Bradfield, who took such umbrage against Barack Obama declaring Gay Pride Month, that he felt the need to write into his local Northern Irish newspaper to tell the world exactly what gay life was all about. Him being straight, he would know this stuff.
‘When those in the gay community look around – seeing a young husband and wife with a pram and a baby (strange order of priorities there: ‘Oooh, what a lovely… pram!’), an older husband and wife holding hands (bizarre how this lot spend half their time trying to stop the gays marrying, the other half deriding them for, erm, not being married), they are reminded that they are wrong, plainly and simply.’
A quick survey of the me-me-me offices (where some gays work, some come to simply sit around flicking through magazines) has found that far from being unfulfilled, several had been filled just last night! To the very brim! ‘Impulsive’? One had bought a Snickers bar he was not intending to buy because he saw it at the till, so, check! ‘Compulsive’ Well, let’s just say a pack of chocolate digestives doesn’t last very long around this lot. ‘Fraught with health risks’? One caught a cold off snogging someone else with a cold, but he feels much better now, thanks to Lemsip.
As to babies in prams, not one would have it in the house. And if you’re wondering why, if gays are so bad, Jesus never mentioned them *checks notes: rich people not going through eyes of needles, nup, nothing* well, it’s just that he forgot. He did mean to, only he got waylaid by the soundtrack to Gypsy.
Should you wish to read – laugh at, enjoy a coffee over – more wisdom from the particular bit of the Church Pastor Mark comes from click here. Such fun!