Want to know the secret of getting a news story onto one of the most watched breakfast television shows in the world? (GMTV, btw. We could see your brains working like the clappers)

The Heth.

So, riddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee us this. Riddle-dee-dee.

How on earth – and PRs across the world will need to prick up their ears for this one – do you get a mention on a prime-time telly show and not just for a lame, anything-will-do-because-we-have-three-hours-to-fill,-even-though-we-only-need-three-stories-because-we-just-put-them-on-a-loop-anyway-and-hope-no-one-notices story, ably prompted by Andrew ‘I was the British No.1 tennis player, you know’ Castle and Ben ‘I’m a dad now, you know. Which means I’m absolutely most definitely under no circumstances a homosexual’ Shepherd and Kate ‘hair’ Garroway?

Basically, all you need to do in order to get on the news on GMTV (we lost track of what we were saying ourselves), is this:

– Lose an engagement ring in a lake.

– Get a mate to get a metal detector.

– Get said mate to dive into said lake with said metal detector and find said engagement ring.

– Call GMTV.

Et voila, prime-time news. Really, it’s that simple. Really, we thought we were still on a poppers high when we were watching said news piece in utter disbelief but once the funk had worn off nope, there it was again, on the next news loop.

It’s not necessarily a matter for the police but it gave us something to ponder in the queue at Pret this morrow. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, this morrow.

Oh and slight segue, but how shit is Carla Romano on the sofa? She’s bad enough in front of a cardboard cut-out of the Hollywood sign from 8.20 to 8.23 every morning but really, to prolong the agony on soft furnishings? The woman, to put it politely, has dislikeability in spades. Which is really rather a shame as we ended up on a press jolly thing with her once and she was rather nice and funny and a total bitch in all the right ways, but it just don’t translate into telly waves. No ma’am.

Bye.

Oh and ps. We realise that picture of Heather Mills is mostly irrelevant to the matter in question, but we just like it.

Again, bye.

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3 comments to “Want to know the secret of getting a news story onto one of the most watched breakfast television shows in the world? (GMTV, btw. We could see your brains working like the clappers)”

  1. Oh ditto to the Carla Romano thing. Hopeless with a capital irrititating Scot.

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  2. You had me fooled! I saw the picture and was soooooo hoping that Ms. Mills had wandered into oncoming traffic and been flattened by a slow moving steamroller. All that was left were some splinters. Really Heather please go find some of those deadly landmines and blindfold yourself and make the world a safer place. Or go stand on a termite nest.

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  3. God, I’d fuck Ben Shepard. Him and Dermot used to give me such a stiffy of a Sunday morning .

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