Honey, have you been working out? And more importantly, how can we get your bikini body?

Mmm yet somehow ugh

Buff, British and yet somehow totally detestable raquetteur Andy Murray – you’ve got to hand it to him, even if you do hand it to him on the end of your penis – has come along quite a bit in the old physique stakes. See him doing press ups with his feet of the ground the other day? Showing off horribly, as is his wont, obviously but quite impressive anyways.

So, how could we the general man/woman/undecided in the street get a body like that (and not just to play with but to, you know, live in)?

Well, for starters (and by ‘starters’ we don’t mean prawn cocktail or Heinz Tomato Soup) he eats a massive 6,000 calories a day when he’s training. That’s like three times the recommended amount. The calories are split over six meals and are supplemented with protein shakes (remembering, obv, that he trains for six hours a day).

It’s all about lean proteins, apparently, with complex carbs and leafy greens and it’s important to eat 30 minutes after exercise/thrashing someone on court or your body starts to consume its own muscles. He drinks six litres of water a day (!), does a combination of boot camp training and Bikram yoga, where he loses 1,600 calories in a single session.

There’s also the now famous ice bath, which you can replicate under a cold shower: it apparently gets new blood into your muscles (from where?) and helps them recover.

The only stickler in this punishing but achievable regime that we can see is the fact that he doesn’t drink any alcohol. Which, frankly, we don’t see the point of: why bother getting a perfectly bone-able body if you’re never going to get drunk enough to have sex? Jeesh.

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4 comments to “Honey, have you been working out? And more importantly, how can we get your bikini body?”

  1. Still absolutely not, under any circumstances. Not even those.

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  2. So no. He looks like the missing link. Darwin would be interested if he were alive today. Which he isn’t, just like Michael Jackson. What do you think Darwin would have though of MJ, by the way?

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  3. All that hard work, and you still look like that? That’s no Ronaldo now, is it?

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  4. Total BOBFOC, body of baywatch, face of crimewatch. No thanks!

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