Janet Jackson looked FEROCIOUS channelling Jackie O, grabbing that child as she gave her ‘Daddy, my daddy’ Railway Children speech (is this a little harsh?) as if to say, ‘She’s mine. The rest of you back the FUCK off!’ The children, by the way, look like European royalty with their silky smooth hair and honeyed skin.
Mary Carey was great, Jermaine creepy as ever but rocking the jewelled glove, Elizabeth Taylor conspicuous by her absence (she was too upset to get down with the ‘whoopla’, with a ‘w’) as was Diana Ross (even more upset, even less down with the ‘wwhoopla’, two ‘w’s), Steveland Wonder was off on one, Lionel Ritchie looked a little scary, that boy off-of Britain’s Got Talent somehow slipped by security and did a sick-in-the-mouth little aside to Michael’s coffin.
In short, despite a little too much of the old Jesus, the whole thing was much less tacky than expected and at least they didn’t have Earl Spencer get up to be needlessly – and hypocritically – rude to The Queen. All in all, the right, tasteful, decent amount of wwwhoopla. Three ‘w’s.