Oh, Gwyneth. Gwynnie. Gwyn. Gw. G. So wise, so WASPY, so full of bullshit.

Utter wank.



Where would we be without Gwyneth Paltrow’s mots of wisdom? Flailing about in our own piss, probably. Which in some circles is seen as manners.

Today, Gwyneth off-of Blythe (what happened in the interim?!) tells us that ‘long-term relationships between two people is an ever evolving (we would’ve put a hyphen there too, but hey and the ho) organism’.

Ooh, orgasms.

‘Some stay the course, some fall, all stumble.’

Then she goes on to ask a bunch of bollocky women to give their buggery-bollocky opinions on relationships, and every. Single. One. Of them. Uses words like ‘nourish’ and ‘wisdom’ and ‘trust’ and ‘understanding’ and ‘openness’ and *sticks finger so far down throat it comes out of arse and pokes the buggery-bollocky women in the eyes*

One of them even begins with an excerpt from a poem by David Whyte.

*loads gun*

Oh, Gwy off-of neth. Rumour has it next week’s Goop is all about death.

‘Some people are born, some even live for a while, all die. (Though we’re working on that one)’

Rumour also has it Gwyneth Paltrow is up for the Nobel Prize. We have several.


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2 comments to “Oh, Gwyneth. Gwynnie. Gwyn. Gw. G. So wise, so WASPY, so full of bullshit.”

  1. Well I give her a lot of credit because it is very clear she writes each and every word on her website. Really most celebs would pay someone else to create an intelligent, well written web site but Apple’s Mommy writes her own website with musings of an everyday housewife raising kids and trying to put a nutritious meal on the table. I hope she is planning a repeat of last year’s how to pick the perfect Christmas gift. RIVETING. Must go now to yoga and then the Kaballah center. Will pick up APPLE (baby) and APPLES (the fruit) for a healthy snack.

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  2. Oh she really is silly, isn’t she?

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