We do hope so. If we’d have known the son of God was partial to a flammable wig and animal print we’d have listened a little better at school. Actually, maybe not.
This nouveau Jesus is the laydee formerly known as David, or Dave (segue – why do trannies always have builders’ names?), who now goes by the name Delores Kane. Hang on a cotton picking minwee, you said you were Jesus. Any road, Delores is the former MI5 agent, who, when bored with all that Spooks business, turned whistle – and possibly man – blower. And when he tired of that, he shaved his legs, shoved some puppy ears down his top, grabbed the nearest mop, and scurried to Surrey where he is currently squatting (possibly literally) in a disused farm house.
His family say of the transformation, ‘I blame the Government.’
Delores says, ‘I know in my heart that I am Christ and I am here to save humanity.’
We say, ‘Skinny Capp to go please.’
*backs out of room, taking mop with us. There was a nasty spill in the office earlier*