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Ooh, them gays can turn real quick

Give a gal a break

He’s only been in power long enough to redo the whole spa area of the White House and install a new ice machine on floor 2 but the gays are already turning on Jackie O, as evidenced by this cover for gay (and rather snoreworthy, if we’re going to be honest about it) magazine The Advocate. And for those who don’t remember, our new nickname for Mr. President is an amalgam of Jackie Brown, Obama and the first lady in the White House. All in a good way.

Never mind that he made that frankly rather amazing speech to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (no ‘u’ in ‘colored’ as it’s America and they’re very thrifty with them ‘u’s), apparently things aren’t moving fast enough for the gays.

They want gays in the military (well, we have had gays in the military in the UK for ten years now and they do even have them in places like Argentina, so it has been quite a wait…), gay marriage, even though he’s already said that will be strictly on a state-by-state basis and, well, tons of other stuff. Oh, and poppers. And they want it NOW!

Terms like ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’ and ‘Hold your fricking horses one cotton pickin’ moment’ come to mind. But we suppose keeping the pressure on is always a good thing.

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If you thought Gok Wan was vile – and of course you did – you wait till you get a load of this guy

Oof!

‘I’ve been a stylist for years…’ says Derek of Derek Loves Shopping (yeah, we can tell by the blouse), ‘and people ask me every day [there’s a space between ‘every’ and ‘day’, btw, unless it’s being used as an adjective as in ‘This old everyday thing. I only wear it when I don’t care how I look’ – a little bit of grammar as we go about our business]… people ask me every day, where do you buy this, where do you buy that…?’

Really? What, just so they know where not to go? Anyway, in this episode of Derek Loves Shopping (and as a rule of thumb we have found that anyone who goes on about how they love shopping is a little bit, you know, Rachel Stevens) he fixes on the bright idea of helping an actor/model – who is clearly not either, unless he’s one of those actor/models – buy swimwear. Get it? Gay man helps straight muscle boy shop for skimpy – or, this being America, not so skimpy – swimsuits.

And in case you thought that was kind of shallow, there’s a very moving ‘to camera’ piece about how the actor/model once had cancer. Gets you right there *punches heart/stomach* And you know it’s true because he has the word ‘survivor’ tattooed really big over his gut. 

A moving yet fashionable and still sexy piece brought to you by DerekLovesShopping. Over the jump with you… (more…)

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Penelope Cruz pregnant with Javier Bardem’s baby! Or to keep our hopes bobbing along, let’s change that ! to a ?

Get a room. Oh, you did...

Hello *waves*

So rumour hath it, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem off-of e-Spain(-a-th-th-th-th-th) are expecting one of those childs.

Bang goes our theory about Penelope Cruz being Hollywood’s PBOC (Professional Beard of Choice) and by default Javier Bardem being one o’ the boys and therefore ITLOWT (In The Land Of Wishful Thinking) our future ex-husband (hello? Acronym?).

Or does it?

*eyes dart around room*

Time will tell. Five months’ time, according to this gennelman.

Oh but can we just take this opportunity to say how much we j’adore Penny Cruz and her big gay boyfriend. J’adore them with a capital churros dipped in hot chocolate.

*mmmm, churros dipped in hot chocolate…*

ps. That really is them up there. We’d recognize those lovely long Lindas anywhere…

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Would you? You wouldn’t… would you?

Seriously, ditch the lame pants.

Oh no (said in the style of Phoebe off-of Friends. Which is the only Friends affectation still allowed in this day and age. Speaking of Friends… oh no, that’s it.)

Apart from Leonardo DiCaprio’s body insisting on the fat-thin thing – you know, squashy like a baby’s but not quite Half Ton Mom) – we’re currently musing the bellybutton thing. We even did a Cheesy Straw poll in the orifice and concluded that, unlike most things in life, in is better.

And really, Leo. Point, much?

*workie puts hand up; workie says she quite likes Leo; workie gets a slap*

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All together now! ‘She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny (black with two white stripes) polka dot bikini…!’

Are those massive thighs or are you just happy to see us?

Oh, tra-la-laaaa. Laaa.

So this is… actually we have no idea who this is. *cattle-prods workie*

Oh, it’s Cooper Cronk off-of rugby and Australia! See, carefully administered pain does pay.

In no particular order, what we’re enjoying most about Cooper Cronk are:

– legs

– shoulders

– knees and toes, knees and toes

– and were he to have chosen a more opportune colour in the Speedo department – white, say (when will these straights learn?) – cock.

*ends*

ps. Oh, and his name. Cronk? Don’t mind if we do.

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