Simon Cowell calls in police over leaked Leona Lewis single. *Nee-naw-nee-naw-nee-naw-nee-naw*

*waves*

That’s the sound of everyone now knowing Leona Lewis has a single out and it’s very precious and when it comes out we must all buy it/ask a seven-year-old to download it for free off the interclit. Only seeing as they’re seven we’ll say interdolly, not clit. Though the kid’s gotta learn…!

Ooh here’s a quote:

‘Scyo (Simon Cowell’s thingy) are working alongside the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry (snappy. Did they just make that up?), the British Phonographic Industry (please can we join! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!) the police (hubba-hubba!) and investigators (*theme tune to Murder She Wrote is heard in the distance*) in this and they are making fast progress.’

But is it a matter for the police?

And just FYI, Alexandra Burke – who, if you remember, won X Factory last year whilst simultaneously scaring the shit out of Beyoncé and irritating the fuck out of the British nation – also had her unfinished recordings nicked by some young scallywag with shiny skin and social inaptitude.

Just sayin’.

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8 comments to “Simon Cowell calls in police over leaked Leona Lewis single. *Nee-naw-nee-naw-nee-naw-nee-naw*”

  1. Jesus H Christ (why the ‘H’ by the way. I never got that) – to what lengths will Simon Cowell go to get a bit of press on his acts? Seriously.

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  2. All of that X Factory lot are publicity hookers. It’s so dullsville.

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  3. Leona does have nice hair, though. How many Eastern European children were involved in that?

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  4. Leona’s single/album not due out for ages – and by all accounts this track wouldn’t be it. Would make more sense for the story to be centred on Burke’s single/album if it was just a hype thing from the record company. As per usual The Sun seem to have got hold of a fact and then spun their own tale around it. Billboard Business in the States have a more sober analysis with quotes from IFPI head of anti-piracy (yes it does exist!).

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  5. Press campaigns start much earlier these days, with bizarre things like this… just so acts are in our consciousness for months and months before anything’s released. Though I do agree, if anyone needs the help it’s Alexandra who everyone’s all but forgotten about… I’ll eat my own poop is she’s as successful as Leona or indeed B*Witched. Alexandra Who? And all that.

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  6. More to the point, John – a sober analysis? Analysis? Sober? Who in their right mind would analyse anything sober?
    *pours Baileys over Weetabix*

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  7. The H stands for HolyMaryMotherofGod so he took to being called Chad when he was alive. He liked the sound of that Chad of Nazarath.

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