We’ve been meaning to mention this frankly sick-making advert – in which small child wants to take a dump in Paul’s bathroom ’cause it’s fragrant over there and his Momma’s house stinks like an 18th century bawdy house – for ever such a long’n, but kept forgetting. Praise the Baby G, we just remembered.
*bows, in the standing position and from the waist*
There are certain things you just never need to hear. One is a ‘musical’ note coming from the mouth of a Minogue sister (thankfully we’ve never had to hear one of those, seeing as the magic keyboard with all the colourful buttons does the hard work for them whilst they fetch the HobNobs). Another is the mating of two or more foxes (not dissimilar to the latter). Another is a vowel sound originating from Liverpool or its environs. Another is Gok Wan’s sibilance, which can strip wallpaper at 1,000 metres. Another is anyone on The One Show, especially when Myleene ‘Get off us!’ Klass is filling in. Another is a full drink slipping out of a hand. Another is, ‘I’m actually a woman.’ Another is a Christian. Etc.
And another is the toilet-going proclivities of a small child.
Do we really, really – in between a nice Midsomer Murders marathon or indeed a Howard’s Way re-run – need to know that some child in chinos and an ill-fitting blouse wants to do a poo at Paul’s? It’s enough to put you off your Liquorice Allsort and besides, honey, we’ve been to Paul’s bathroom and Lordy the things we’ve seen in there… *takes out earring, Joan Collins in Dynasty style-ee, puts telephone to ear; smiles, wryly*