Nasty clammy cock or nice toasty testicles? Introducing tights for mens….

Or ‘Mantyhose’ if you’re an arse. And we’re not, although we’re partial to arse. Sometimes arses plural if the mood takes us.

Back in the room… This of which we wattayatalk? is Unconditional’s new range of ‘guysized’ tights, stocked in London’s glittering, 100-year-old Selfridges. They’re mostly worn under a suit pantaloon and Selfridges’ director on menswear, David Walker-Smith said, ‘This winter the city’s most stylish men will have a secret weapon hidden in their trousers’. Saucy minx.

They’ll cost your packet a packet at 70 whole earth pounds, but it’s a small price to pay for a warm willy and a nice smooth hip and thigh line. Mmm, thighs.