You’re having a party. You think you’ve stocked up enough booze to satisfy Best-levels of consumption. Alas, it runs out. Your friends, acquaintances and that homeless are bigger piss-heads and fuck-wits than you ever realised. Bars have closed and you’ve been banned from all the off-licenses after that nasty episode with that Lambrini bottle. People are getting rowdy, someone’s weeing in the corner, another has gone a bit Tranny Banks. It’s mayhem. How to placate the drunk-but-want-to-be-more-drunk masses? Hand gel.
Yes, the same hand gel that wards off swine flu and other less popular germs (we hear Max Clifford’s been in discussion with E. coli, whose profile has just plummeted since the Swines appeared on the scene). At least that’s what inmates at The Verne prison on the Isle of Portland in Dorset have been doing. And we salute them for their ingenuity. It’s got to beat WKD, right? Now pass the Carex.