In between bumming boys, darning lace-edged nighties and attending lectures given by the fairies at the bottom of their yards within yards, the Catholic Church has taken it upon itself to blame the rife paedophilia within their gold-plated walls on The Gays.
Blame us for the boogie, blame us for soya-based coffee treats, even blame us for soft lighting and pluralisation… but blaming us for paedophilia? Now you’re taking the crunch biscuit. We’ll sue!
No really, can we sue?
Now correct us if we’re wrong, but we thought being a gay was something about being a man who fancies other men (we’re yet to quite understand lesbianism)… not a fucked up, repressed, humanity-hating freak in matching scarlet bonnet ‘n’ ballet pumps who fucks boys in a despotic attempt to overcome feelings of low self-esteem as a result of an overbearing Italian mother and retardedly low IQ?
Archbishop Silvano Tomasi (that’s him up there. Mmmmmn, hot!), the Vatican’s permanent observer to the UN (wha? Cha? Ka? They may as well have Gandalf doing the job. At least he knows his way round a staff… *pats hair*) begs to differ. Bums to differ, probably.
‘Of all the priests involved in the abuses, 80 to 90 per cent belong to this sexual orientation minority which is sexually engaged with adolescent boys between the ages of 11 and 17.’
(Sidebar: Like, durrrr. When there’s only Cough Candy Twists in the sweetshop, they ain’t gonna be sucking on Gummy Bears, right?)
They’re also pointing to other institutions – Jews, Protestants, alcoholics – in a bizarre attempt to divert the blame…
And the dog ate our homework too, cunty.
*curtseys* (NB. Ooh, alliteration. We’re good at that, too!)