Having finally shimmied her way out of her pyjamas, Whitney off-of Houston we have a problem, is rolling her arse onto the X Factory for her first performance on the UK telly box in 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11, 12 years.
She’ll be on the show on 18th October and has said she can’t wait to meet Simon Cowell and his vagina hair. Well, something along those lines anyway. She’ll be mentoring the no-hopefuls and performing her latest single. Conveniently her comeback ‘I ain’t no junky no more, bitch’ album is released the very next day, which we can safely say is a corker. We have our advanced copy, see? *shows off, dances around, contemplates Simon Cowell’s chode, sits down, is sick*