Firstly, if anyone could tell us who this out-of-control telly gay is, we wouldn’t necessarily be grateful, but it would fill a void in our lives. One that is currently being filled by an almond croissant. Not quite chocolate-covered croissants (we will never tire of that. NEVER), but food, after all, is love.
Second thing: the hateful Miley Cyrus off-of hateful little shit. Breaking world news is that she’s stopped updating on Twitter. Well thank the baby Jesus and all who sailed in him.
Trois: Dear Crazy Telly Gay. Please don’t baby-wave at the beginning of your slot like a WYG (‘Will Young Gay’. Definition, if you’ve forgotten: ‘Effete, pretentious, probably sibilant, a twat’).
In conclusion: Jonathan Ross is back presenting The Comedy Awards. Oh fucking shitting wanking dear.
Oh ps. Wanna watch a whole load of bollocks about the personification of why the world’s gone to the dogs as brought to you by someone who presents with his hands? Oh why not…!