Things we learned from last night’s telly

Aunty Joan

1) Joan Collins can walk onto a council estate without physically retching (though just how many takes it took to keep the bile down is anyone’s guess) – Joan Collins Does Glamour, ITV1

2) Joan Collins wears high-waisted trousers a lot and really shouldn’t – Joan Collins Does Glamour, ITV1

c) Joan Collins has a habit at pointing at three generations of trout when approaching them. Maybe that’s her coping mechanism. Kinda like tapping – Joan Collins Does Glamour, ITV1

4) Joan Collins is our heroine. She always was, but now she is again – Joan Collins Does Glamour, ITV1
5) ITV1 aren’t paying for this, though they probably should – ITV1

6) James Brown, ‘celebrity’ hair stylist and best friend of Kate Moss, comes across as a twat on telly – Supermodel Salon, E4

7) Joan Collins likes chocolate-covered croissants – Dynasty

8) James Brown charges £500 for a hair cut. You could’ve bought half of Mayfair for that in 1132… Supermodel Salon, E4

9) Kate Moss does silent, python-unlocking-jaw laughs quite a lot – Supermodel Salon, E4

10) Kate Moss sounds like Stacey off-of EastEnders – Supermodel Salon, E4

11) You’re only cooks, lose the fucking attitude – Masterchef: The Professionals, BBC2

Last one) EastEnders is really shit at the moment (apart from the gay gays) – EastEnders, BBC1

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5 comments to “Things we learned from last night’s telly”

  1. Aunty Joan? J’adore.

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  2. It was quite the gay night on telly, wasn’t it? What with haircuts, supermodels and Joan Collins. Tuesday night in… it’s the new Monday night in.

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  3. How good was Joan last night?! Even when she’s being nice she still comes across as a giant bitch. First ever incident of ‘must see TV’ on ITV.

    ‘And do you moisturise everyday? I think you could use a little bit more. Sometimes moisturiser isn’t enough’

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  4. a fleece belongs on a sheep.

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  5. I think every gay in Britain was watching this last night. I wonder what Moira Liza was doing at the time…?

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