A snapshot of Britain, courtesy of Jeremy Vine…

Er, foot...?!

You know he… that greige fella who does the telly sometimes (something with lots of gravitas whilst the rest of the world is watching Coronation Street or Heir Hunters or Golden Girls on a loop) and who also has a little show on Her Majesty’s BBC Radio the Second every day at around lunchtime (when the rest of the world is watching Loose Women). Yes he. That’s the one. No, next to him… Yes, that’s it.

In terms of comparative study, imagine a whole lot of other Jeremys – Kyle, Clarkson, Paxman, not Beadle ’cause he was actually quite nice even if he did have a dodgy hand – then forget what you were thinking. Jeremy Vine’s irritating but he’s no Jeremy Clarkson, the Patron Saint of Cunts…

Any clearer?

So Jeremy Vine’s radio show – tagline: ‘talking to the people who make the news’ – is a sort of Voice of Middle England-type carry on. Only Middle England, then left a bit. Then take your second on the right, cross the traffic lights, and it’s right in front of you. Next to Snappy Snaps.

And today’s show? Oof. Our eyes, fingers, legs, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes were working 179 to the dozen flicking between those Loose Trouts and the wireless, but my oh us we’re glad we made the effort. How else would we have had the following rundown on the state of the nation… 

12.32 till 12.48 – ‘Teenage girls are skipping meals to be thin’. Well at least someone is…

[Musical interlude]

1.04 till 1.11 – ’62-year-old gay man dies after horrific homophobic attack in Trafalgar Square, during which two girls stamped the victim in the head, repeatedly’.

[Musical interlude]

1.27 till 1.47 – ‘What’s happened to your old Woolworth’s store?’ Some lucky bastard in the home counties now has a Wicks!

[Musical interlude]

Then Steve ‘Love the show!’ Wright came on *sound of loading gun is heard in the distance*

But aah, homophobic murders… so cosy. Any other hate killing and it would’ve been front page splashes on all the nationals, headline news on all TV channels, a mass protest in the capital and a sports centre built in honour of the victim. Gay person gets killed? Five minutes on Jeremy Vine and half a pound of Midget Gems if you’re lucky.

State of the nation, people, state of the nation… *fades out*

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6 comments to “A snapshot of Britain, courtesy of Jeremy Vine…”

  1. I hate to get all serious on everyone’s ass, but this is sickening… those fucking murdering hateful cunts should be laid down in Trafalgar Square so that the whole gay communty can take turns to kick them in their dirty cunts.
    Seriously, I know us gays are a peace-loving lot, but where has that got us? It’s about time we fought back. There’s that story of a bunch of lads surrounding the George & Dragon (East End gay pub, if anyone doesn’t know) and threatening everyone inside. Why the fuck didn’t everyone just go outside and beat them to a pulp? Can you imagine a group of racist white boys surrounding a black club and intimidating them? They wouldn’t have lasted a second…

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  2. Highlight of today’s show, ‘Some people say obese people should not be allowed to eat in public’. I nearly fell off the Chesterfield.

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  3. More to the point, “is a year too long for maternity leave?” was the riddle-me-ree facing the Loose Trouts this lunchtime. Kate Thornton says no, isn’t it hard for us “working mums” etc. Bellers and Giffers treat Thornton with the thinly disguised disdain that she deserves. PS – Kate – face? No – Hair? No – Personality? – No.

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  4. Oh Blah, I hear you honey… I have to wipe down my tellybox screen after Kate Thornton’s made an appearance.

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  5. Jeremy Vine *is* irritating … but I probably *would*. Mind you, I imagine he’s a bit sassy and would get a spanking at some point. (-: Further to all of the above, I agree. So ‘ditto’.

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  6. Please tell me everybody’s going to the vigil on 30th? Trafalgar Sq, 8pm. Are we allowed to do links, MeMeMe? Well here’s the Facebook page – http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=152586453159&ref=share
    Apologies if links not allowed, but tis important business for the gays is it not?

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