Lily Allen is hoping Sir Dame Elton John will creep into bed with her *commissions a whole new emoticon*

Ooh, Antiques Roadshow...!

Welcome to an average night in front of the telly round our arse. Which is both ‘house’ in cockerney, and arse. There’s very little difference, except the views from one are simply to die for.

Lily Allen just wants some peace and fucking quiet while she watches Coronation Street – a little light Blanche to get over the shock of having Pixie Geldof’s hair cut – whilst Elton John is bound and gagged, Boy George-stylee, having looked in the mirror and realized he’s morphing into Andy Warhol.

So far, so normal.

The curtains ‘n’ exposed brick are all a little Manchester loft circa 1996, but the sofa’s quite nice and the telly looks big so you know your Triga will be reach out ‘n’ bum so again, so far so okay.

Look a little closer, however, and you’ll see that Lily Allen’s gone all crazy on our back bottoms. You can see it in the Kohl eye makeup. And really, it takes a trained gay to know. And talking of trained gays, Lily wants a piece of Elt’s almond fancy. Whatever for? Because she’s gone all crazy on our asses! Honestly, you just can’t get the metaphors these days, can you…

Or, to put it another way, Lily Allen’s video for her new single-ette – ‘Who’d Have Known’ – depicts the tale of Lily’s obsession with and subesquent stealing of Elton John. That’s Sir Elton John to you, missy. It’s all very *nods head to* that ‘bust up’ they had at that awards do a while back, and it looks like they roped in Ken Barlow to do the Elton looky-likey role, for which he’s in talks for a Take A Break award.

And then of course there’s the usual rinky-dink-dink of Lily’s song, which contains words like ‘telly’ and ‘wine’ and a reference to A Place in the Sun. And you can’t get higher praise than that.  

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3 comments to “Lily Allen is hoping Sir Dame Elton John will creep into bed with her *commissions a whole new emoticon*”

  1. I love A Place in the Sun. Especially with that Scottish Widows woman.

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  2. I like.

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  3. i thought she said she was gonna fuck off and shut up now [or try acting, take your pick]….? why can’t she keep to her word? why?

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