The Daily Cunt brings in the big guns. Well, Janet Street Porter

All my friends are gay, sweetie. ALL my friends are gay.

You couldn’t help but wonder how the fragrant Jan Moir spent the weekend, could you? After her vicious rant against the gays – ‘You’re all going to die! And you’re all going to deserve it!’ – came back to bite her on the arse on Friday, you’d have thought she’d have locked herself in a darkened basement with a flannel soaked in 4711 on her forehead licking her wounds and wondering where she was going to go to get her ends trimmed now.

The statement she released on Friday of the pm seemed not to be very contrite. Where a quick ‘Sorry everyone, reading it back I realise how harsh it sounded. I didn’t mean what you think; I meant something else entirely and I’ve given money to charity and am currently wearing ashes on my forehead…’ might have gone some way to appeasing the fury, the actual statement just seemed to repeat and clarify the vileness. Oh, well. Now the police have been informed, she’s probably either in a false moustache on her way to Canada or, more probably, has signed up to become a ‘dial-a-homophobe’ TV personality like the equally vile religious cunt, Anne Atkins. There’s money in them there homophobic outpourings, you know.

Scanning the Daily – and Sunday – Cunt this weekend (don’t worry: we wore gloves and a surgical mask), we were surprised to note that the champion of gay rights, Amanda ‘I’m not a homophobe and some of my best friends are gay, but…’ Platell didn’t feel she could say anything about the incident. You would have thought – as a tireless campaigner against homophobia (did we mention that most of her friends, no ALL of her friends are gay? She’s actually never even met a straight person) would have felt some need to redress the balance. But nup. Not on this occasion.

Today, however, the Cunt have enlisted the help of usually quite right and reasonable (except when she’s talking about the Queen) Janet Street Porter, a genuine friend to the gays. And she says all the right things about how what goes on in private relationships is no one’s business; how there are as many different types of civil partnerships as there are straight marriages; how Stephen Gately did really die of natural causes and how we should be more concerned about Ian Baynham, the gay man who got stamped to death in Trafalgar Square by a couple of teenage cunts.

Nice work, JSP, but you’ve got to wonder at a journo taking the Cunt’s money to help them get out of this hole. And we’re sure it wasn’t her decision, but not to mention the offending Moir article in any way is also a bit skimpy. We await the findings of the Press Complaints Commission – whose website went down under the weight of the outrage on Friday – with baited, yet minty fresh, breath.

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3 comments to “The Daily Cunt brings in the big guns. Well, Janet Street Porter”

  1. I used to j’adore JSP (different from SJP, but equally equine), but after helping out The Daily Cunt? Not so much.

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  2. it’s actually more important that dumb fuck daily Cunt readers see a different opinion. JSP’s sensible words would be wasted elsewhere.

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  3. Let’s have a heated debate. If I was her I would have insisted on namechecking the Moir mare.

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