A glimpse into the future. All the way to this Friday.

Imagine, if you will, you had access to Marty McFly’s fancy little automobile. *pops on thinking bonnet*

Then imagine all the wondrous things you could do with it. Pop round for tea, crunch biscuits and syphilis with Elizabeth I. Make a cameo in an orgie with Charles II. Lick the end of Shakespeare’s feathered quill. Get bummed in a large Grecian urn whilst a small child with long eyelashes administers French tips, circa 423BC… 

Or check Friday’s itinerary. But not any old itinerary! *shakes finger* The final, laminated, one. With frilled edging. That’s what any normal person would do. Welleth, imagine no more, normal people! For we’ve seen the future and it’s orange really really gay:

6.30: Get out of dirty bed, play with cat, watch headlines on GMTV. Have a banana.

8 - 9am: Gymgaysium, incl. the mens.

9.30am - we can be arsed: Work, lunches, booze, work, things.

4pm: First cocktail of the evening, one delicious chocolate croissant.

4.15 - indefinitely: Shandy boozes, incl. the mens.

Gets hazy.

11.30 (ish. See above) - who can say?: Circus @ Ghost, 112-117 Farringdon Rd, London’s glittering EC1R 3BX. Paloma Faith’s DJ-ing (hence the above picture. We got there eventually), as is Jodie off-of Harsh and Kris di Angelis. All the right accessories will be there. Price? £8 before 11.30pm, tenner after.

And guess what. We didn’t even get paid for that. That’s because we’re drunk. Never knowlingly aren’t.