We are concerned about this face. We couldn’t give a rat’s widdle about the person withoutside of the face, but the face itself concerns us deeply. The eyes and the nose and the arched eyebrows and the spidery eyelashes and pale skin and Aussie-cum-Yankee accent (which is on the face because it comes from the pumped-up lips) and the pumped-up lips and the ginger denial and the teeth and the blow-up doll dead-behind-the-eyes ‘expressions’ andcetera. But really ladies and gennels, it’s mainly the eyes, whose blood-shot nature distracted us from the rest of the shit going down in The Golden Compass and meant we couldn’t concentrate fully on Huge Jackman’s Huge Jackmanness in Australia. But who is it? Oh, Nicole Kidman.
Yes, her.SJP took our advice and saw to the mole, now please Nicole Kidman could you just find the time – in between telling Congress that violence against women just ain’t the done thing and keeping up the façade of your marriage – to do the same with the eyes. Gabrielle did with the patch, Gordon Brown did with the glass thing, now why can’t you?