Now this is our sort of bridge! *pats hair; plays with a yo-yo; bums, etc*

This - ladies, gentlemen and undecided - is a bridge in London’s glittering London. We’re not entirely sure which bridge it is, though the brain in our head is shouting ‘Blackfriars Bridge! No, Holborn Viaduct!’ What we do know is that it isn’t London Bridge, Waterloo Bridge, the Golden Gate Bridge or the Bridge Over Troubled Water. The brain in our head is still shouting, ‘Blackfriars Bridge! No, Holborn Viaduct! No, that one in Chelsea!’ though we do know it’s definitely not Clifton Suspension Bridge. Or the Bridge to Our Hearts, ’cause that one freezed over.

We also know, from looking at this picture of ‘a London bridge’, that the woman in the white top could do with losing a few pounds.

Either way, God, rude.

But like Momma always used to say, whilst dabbing the Olbas Oil on our chests, ‘So many penises, so little time…’