Can you guess who took this picture of Robert Pattinson for Vanity Fair?

'Now put your hands through your hair while I disguise this erection...'

The clues. It’s in moody black and white. He is wearing a crisp white shirt. He is in a pose unknown in real life. He has wrinkled his forehead to give himself character. And in other shots he’s in an all-American environment, in chunky knits, surrounded by the trappings of culture – books, sheet music, pianos, you know the shit. Any ideas?

Yes, it’s uncle Bruce Weber who has been doing the same shots since the Daguerre brothers first noticed that if you pricked a piece of card and allowed light to flow through onto silver coated paper, you could magically capture that image.

This time, in something of a cultural brainwave, Bruce has been commissioned by Vanity Fair to do those zeitgeisty shots, where you just know that 75 people were present (bare minimum) and that every last fucking white shirt in Manhattan and environs were called in. 

Those VF meetings must be hot houses of creativity, mustn’t they: ‘I know, let’s get Robert Pattinson, ’cause he’s like really big with the kids, and have him photographed by… I know! Bruce Weber. And let’s get the interview done by someone called Evgenia, who is really clever because she has replaced the ‘u’ in her name with a ‘v’, like Bvlgari (or Bulgari) do! Just make sure she doesn’t ask any actual questions or her ass is grass. Phew, after that I need a lunch at Mr. Chow’s. Get someone’s assistant’s assistant’s assistant onto it and if she can’t get me the table by the fish tank then fire her WASP-y butt!’

Jump the jump to see more examples of Bruce Weber’s finest work for Vanity Fair…

'Please look at this picture and do what he's doing' 'Here, pretend to read this. It's funny and it's got red in it, which will pick up the red in those stripes' 'We want super moody. Yes, even though you have a strange profile'
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3 comments to “Can you guess who took this picture of Robert Pattinson for Vanity Fair?”

  1. Funny

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  2. Vanity Fair is dullsville these days.

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  3. I always pull that face when there’s a queue in Threshers

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