It’s tricky being a Mormon and don’t let anyone tell you any different.
First up you have to give 10% of your wages to the church (you can imagine what they spend it on). Then you have to like Donny and Marie. Then you have to get your knickers in a twist/panties in a bunch over the very idea that two gay men might get the same inheritance rights as you, so much so that you are obliged to fund the campaign against Proposition 8. Oh, so that’s where the money goes. Then, if you become a missionary, it’s not enough that you have to poison the mind of people in far-off countries going about their business, you also have to pose shirtless in a skirt for the Men on a Mission 2010 calendar (notice it’s a 12-month calendar, which is our favourite type), with full fuck-me eyes to camera.
Which raises some questions: a). what is a Mormon doing with a body like that? Isn’t vanity a sin and aren’t the number of man hours at a gym required for such a ripped stomach well, you know, suspicious? Don’t tell us his soap doesn’t get real slippery when he enters the shower.
2). Aren’t all those swords pointing right up his skirt a little on the homoerotic side? Are we retreading the myth of Christians being persecuted (rather than persecutors) here or is it just a bit of a fetish thing?
III). Why does the lady version of ‘Mormons Exposed’, called Hot Mormon Muffins, feature a bevy of ‘beauties’ (well, there are some nice moustaches) angling hot trays of muffins at breast level towards the cameras? And why is it subtitled A Taste of Motherhood? Is it a MILF reference.
And finally, D). Are these people simply mad?
Jump the jump for another large-breasted man of Gahd…