Diddums

Well, we thought we’d better give our tuppence worth on the whole X Factory, Lucie out/Special Needs Twins in thing, andcetera, even though at the time of said apparent heinous crime (Bring back capital punishment! The country’s gone to the dogs! In our day, we could leave our back doors open and eat our chippy teas off the street!’), we were nowhere near our tellyboxes. We were, however, critiquing every person who walked by us on London’s glittering Old Compton Street (those bon mots were flying!), which is pretty much the same thing. 

So all of the interdolly is abuzz with talk of the evil, scheming, hypocritical Simon Cowell, what with his decision to keep JedWard *shudder* in and give the Welsh lady-ette the ‘ole heave-ho.

But anyone who has a copy of the Simon Cowell X Factory Handbook (£2.99. The perfect gift this holiday season) will see that Section 3, paragraphs two right the way through to seven are all about how to manipulate the general public, especially those that fall under the stupid category. And rumour has it there’s quite a lot in there *waves*. Oh who are we kidding - the entire book is about how to manipulate the general public and fill Simon Cowell’s pretty coffers. After all, who else is going to pay for that very snazzy vagina hair?

And at this point we’d like to say, ‘It’s all contrived!’ but wouldn’t want to scare the stupid people. Oh, who are we kidding… there are no stupid people on here!

ps. Louis Walsh? *skin crawls… all the way out the room, with not so much as an au revoir*