*shakes rattle; launches fireworks; snorts poppers; takes in a show*
And if your morning Kellogs Crunchy Nut Cornflakes and Disaronno (have you ever known anyone to order Disaronno?) hasn’t kicked in yet, we’re talking about I’m a Celebrity… Get My Rates Up, Bitch! and this year’s intake. Which includes, in no particular order:
The drunk (Jimmy White), the whore (Katie Price), the titty lez (Samantha Fox), the desperate (Lucy Benjamin), the token American (George Hamilton. Save your fake tan jokes for the gutter and your dirty protests for the bedroom, oh-kaaay!), the ex-popstar (Sabrina Washington. Mis-Teeq. Xactly), the gays (Colin ‘n’ Justin), the mother figure (Kim Woodburn off-of How Clean Is Your House? Very, how kind of you to ask), the irritating Johnny Foreigner (Gino D’Acampo, that irritating Johnny Foreigner who cooks/shouts) and, of course, Robert Kazinsky, the one we’ll all be wanting to bum, chum. Oh, and not forgetting those two primordial dwarves who really ought to have been put to sleep a long time ago (Ant ‘n’ Dec. Like you needed to ask).
*makes a note of that*