And f-yes, we know films aren’t ‘homosexual’ per se. Much in the same way as films starring Tom ‘thumb’ Cruise aren’t homosexual, no m’lud. Bollocks, just not homosexual.
And much, though not really at all, in the same way as there are no toads in the delicious if rather high in carbohydrate ‘n’ deep fried fat dish Toad in the Hole.
And much, though probably not much come to think of it, in the same way as Three Men and a Baby, My Two Dads and Every Second Counts were nothing to do with the gay mafia’s propagandist campaign to promote the acceptance of same-sex parenthood. Totally worked. We only realised our mother was a woman when we found notes from her gynaecologist when sniffing around her purse for spare pound coins.
And much in the same way – in a boxout kind of way – when we called that woman in sensible flats who tried to ‘save’ us at the bus stop the other morning a cunt, we didn’t mean it (we did). It’s just a phrase (it’s so much more). We totally take it back (we don’t).
The poster, in fact, suggests Colin Firth and Julianne Moore are lying on $3,000 satin sheets, K.I.S.S.I.N.Bumming. They’re not. Though we would like Colin’s specs. And Julianne’s hair. And the sheets.
Anyways, things you should know about Tom Ford’s first moving picture, A Single Man, include:
– It’s genius.
– Really genius.
– It looks really, really, really nice. It’s Tom Ford. Natch.
– It’s based on the Christopher Isherwood (another gay. They’re breeding!) novel-ette of the same name, only with a twist. Which we won’t give away, because we hate it when people do that. You know, like when people tell you Archie isn’t really murdered in EastEnders, and everyone finds out when he turns up at his own funeral. Wha? Cha? Kha? Not on your nelly!
– Talking of nellies, the juxt of the story is Colin Firth is a gay, his boyfriend dies, he’s sad. Anything more and we’d be giving things away.
– Tom’s a bit of a control freak. He directs, produces and wrote the screenplay. Though he told us (we know!) that he doesn’t like the term ‘control freak’. Which is totally a control freakish thing to say.
– Everyone’s saying Colin Firth’s going to get an Oscar nom for it. He’s good – but Julianne Moore is better.
– It’s one of our three favourite films of the year (even though it’s not out in Her Majesty’s UK of Britain until the new year. It is out in the US on 11th December. In gaysy places like LA, NYC and San Francisco). The other two are Precious and Fish Tank. Even though Precious isn’t out till next year either. You do the math. Oh.
– And c) and d)
e) And now for the trailer sponsored by some ever so nice Tom Ford brogues.