So while the rest of the world lives on Heinz Baked Beans and salad cream during the credit crunchie, 70% more ladies than last year are spending their hard earned crust (or occasionally our hard earned crust ont’ NHS) on having surgery on their downstairs mix-ups ’cause their lady-parts aren’t pleasing to the eye. So a chip here and chop there and them thar beef curtains are drawn for the last time, leaving a neat porn star slit and little-to-no feeling in one’s flangelina. Nice. We’ve always preferred blinds anyway. Oh silly us, did we say blinds? We meant cocks.