‘Doing the sex tape was the worst mistake – sorry, eight mistakes – of my life. Or was it nine?’

I keep making this same mistake over and over

To lose your porn virginity once might be seen as a misfortune, to lose it twice looks like carelessness. To lose it eight times starts to look like you are a big old whore.

Welcome Carrie PreCum, ladies and gentlefolks, former Miss California, Christian, bigot and, so it turns out, star of no fewer than eight movies starring her giving her fanny a good old going over for the edification of an as yet unknown audience.

Yes, people, the woman who stalked off Larry King because his question was ‘inappropriate’, is a big old slag. And don’t you hate the way people use the word ‘inappropriate’, by the way? Especially as they always say it in that sniffy way like you have no manners or something.

Well, love, we think for a Bible-bashing old bitch like yourself, slipping out of your panties, moistening up your fingers and giving your lady-flange a bashing in front of a mirror while you film it might actually be deemed inappropriate. Hardly God’s way, is it now?

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6 comments to “‘Doing the sex tape was the worst mistake – sorry, eight mistakes – of my life. Or was it nine?’”

  1. Dopey’s trying to publicise her book about how she was discriminated against for her ‘Christian’ views. Unfortunately, due to her greediness at trying to sue for not being voted pretty, this lovely news has come out and will be mentioned every time her name is uttered for eternity.

    Lesson? If you wanna takle the moral high ground, make sure you are standing firm on it lady….oh, and don’t try and beat the press at their own game cos you need to be a lot cleverer than them, and you ain’t. x

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  2. Hear hear! *throws hat in the air. It doesn’t come down again. Wishes hadn’t thrown hat in the air*

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  3. Hahahahaha, what a cunt. Let’s hope Jesus takes her out.

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  4. Had her and we wiped up the cum on her tits with pages from Leviticus.

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  5. Oh Bernard. I bet it was up the wrong’un too? So classy, just the way she likes it.

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  6. I am pleasantly surprised by this! Is this some psychological guilt mechanism, I wonder? People who live in delicate glass houses just HAVE TO throw stones? It seems to me that every ‘moralist’ has a dirty little secret — an entire closet of secrets! Is there anyone left out there who is homophobic *and* has no dirty secrets? Pat Robertson? Who? Must be a short list …

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