The Irish retards who were essentially the male version of The Cheeky Girls – without the charm, sophistication but with all the child-bearing hips – are out of X Factory. Even though Simon Cowell seemed to be giving Dannii all the signals to keep them in: he had to vote for his own act so there was a lot of ‘I’ll be really sorry to see you go’. Oh, how naive are we? Like all the permutations and what will be done in every eventuality isn’t sorted out before the cameras roll! (Do cameras still roll? Is that still the verb one uses for cameras?)
There were up against Ollie Murs, the spunk from Essex, and chose to sing Boyzone’s ‘No Matter What’, quite a canny choice in that Boyzone couldn’t sing the song either (thankfully they didn’t keep putting their tongues out in that off-putting way Stephen Gately did when he sang it).
So, off you trot. Panto, hair gel promotions, the odd nightclub PA and then one of you gets caught fingering a male fan, there’ll be some newspaper interviews, maybe a Heat magazine cover (if you can build up to bulimia) and that’s your lot.