When came out to our mother, in between the, ‘I’ve given my life to you, why have you done this to me?’ and the ‘But any dog on the street can give birth, mother,’ and the, ‘But what will the neighbours say?’ and the, ‘Well, the one right opposite us didn’t give a flying fuck when he called to say his wife was out at her sister’s, would you like to come round for a Jammy Dodger and a right good buggering?’ and the, ‘But you’ll get AIDS!’ and the, ‘Oh, you ignorant fuck,’ and the, ‘We’ll have to move house!’ and the, ‘Please do, I’ve been gagging for a better post code ever since the special needs next door but two gave birth aged 13,’ and the, ‘But what about grandchildren… Grandchildren! GRANDCHILDREN?!’ and the, ‘Oh you selfish cunt, Father should have divorced you years ago,’ we did have one little silver lining for our crestfallen parents to grab ahold of…
‘But gays can fly!’
It’s been a beautiful thing ever since, and not just Jonathan Harvey’s 1996 homosexual urban fairytale starring the yellow-haired lady off-of ‘Stenders and that nice Ben Daniels off-of lots of things.
Now who, really, doesn’t want an offspring who can fly?
And this story is in no way related to this picture of Tom ‘Thumb’ Cruise flying through the air whilst filming his new piece of shit in Austria, in which he will mostly shout and be small. (Though the boy does like to fly!) Wanna know why? ‘Cause Thomas Cruise says he isn’t gay. In public anyway. So it must be true.
*Oooh, a flying pig!*
ps. Fancy looking at a picture of Tom off-of Cruise looking like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins, only much smaller? Course you do…