If you were hoping for an afterlife spent in heaven because you have been a nice person, then you can think again. According to someone very high up in a dress in the Catholic church, there ain’t no way Jose. So you can unpack your Speedos, cancel your ticket. You ain’t going, no way, no how. Not while this god is in charge, anyhoo.
The word from on high comes via a special envoy of the litte baby Jesus, one Javier Lozano Barragan. ‘People are not born homosexual, they become homosexual, for different reasons,’ says Mr. B, obviously an expert on the subject. ‘Maybe education issues or because they did not develop their own identity during adolescence.’ Honey, the gays we know, there’s no shortage of identity. Wahaaaaay too much in many cases.
‘It may not be their fault,’ went on Javier – or Javi as he’s known to his nearest slash dearest – ‘but acting against nature and the dignity of the human body is an insult to God.’ Who is a very touchy little bitch, by all reports.
So, that’s your lot. You’re not going no matter how hard you stamp your feet.
PS The Vatican has distanced itself from these remarks saying – and we paraphrase – ‘Them gays is just barking mad. Who knows if they’re getting in or not.’
PPS There is no such thing as heaven.