This little seal with its cartoon come-to-bed eyes and John Frieda Frizz Eased locks is one of the
millions thousands hundreds tens of ickle baby-boo seals that have been left parent-less after the recent storms in the south of England.
Rescue centres peppered across Her Majesty’s Down South have been inundated with the little fluffy wet dreams (hey, the live in and around the water. So literally. None of your smut when little baby seals can hear!) and the nation is shitting out single tears and butterflies and rainbows and glitter pens and whiskers ‘n’ kittens in united grief, whilst simultaneously doing bugger all about it.
Erm, that’s it.
Oh no it isn’t, panto-style. Seal. Can we just talk about Seal. Really. ‘Killer’ and ‘Crazy’ (is he trying to tell us something, by the bys?) Then, you know, a whole catalogue of bollocks. *someone whispers ‘Kiss From A Rose’* Okay, s three songs and a supermodel (we’ll be the judge of that) wife doth not a whole career of bugging the fuck out of us with mediocre covers (sorry, ‘re-imaginations’) make. Even though it does. ‘Cause that’s precisely what he’s done.
ps. Orphaned seals? *wipes away tear*