Any lower and Lady Gaga would be the Queen’s gynaecologist

Ma'am as in ham, not farm.

Is this the best picture, ever? Ever and ever? Amen? We ask in a purely rhetorical way for – ladies, gennelmen, undecided and Lady Gaga – tis.

Our two favourite ladies of the moment – or rather, our favourite lady of all time with the lady (we think. We asked Mika and he assured us Lady G doesn’t have a penis) we just can’t get enough of right now – together, in the flesh, one vertical, the other genuflecting, one resplendent in noir, the other crazy as a box of hair in a red latex Elizabethan number (see, she even did research. Lady Gaga’s doing a No. I and Her Maj is No. II. You can’t make this shit up!) together for probably the first and last time at last night’s Royal Variety Performance.

The only fly in this delicious Lemon Drop is the fact that this year’s Royal Variety Performance took place in Blackpool. And we wouldn’t wish that dump on anyone. Let’s hope all and sundries were whisked off – through the sparkly illuminations and obese twelve-year-olds and candy floss and heroin-lined streets to Lytham St Annes, with its pretty dunes, genteel air and average age of 89.

Others present at this glittering night of glittery glitteringness were Michael Bubbles off-of we would, especially now he’s lost the weight; Lulu ‘Weeeee-eeee-eee-eeee-eeeee-e-e-e-eeeeeell’ off-of shouty Lulu, Mika and a painted on beauty spot slash highly malignant melanoma, Bette Midler (yey!), Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chacka Khan (also yey!), Anastacia (go on then. Yey!), Katherine Jenkins (we’re gonna give her a yey, too. ‘Cause we’re feeling the yeys. We’re also feeling something else but that’s a whole other story), and those young children who jump in the air.

And the only dud in this line-up was the dirty, insipid, God-bothering Miley Cyrus who – perhaps taking inspiration from the Baby Jesus himself – decided that she would subject Her Majesty to her vagina. The dirty little girl.

Jump The Jump (TM) to see said thing *spits on tissue; goes to wipe screen* as well as the cheeeeeeeeeenius Lady Gaga playing 30ft in the air on a Dali-esque piano (she’s no Kylie!).

Royal Varieties? J’adore.

Pig. Our hero/heroine.
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13 comments to “Any lower and Lady Gaga would be the Queen’s gynaecologist”

  1. Is dirty Miley Cyrus actually fingering her vagina in front of Her Maj?!?!
    Filthy beast. I would’ve been sent to bed without breakfast, elevenses, lunch, tea or midnight snack if that was me.

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  2. Thighly Cyrus more like.

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  3. I know. She’ll be obese by the time she’s twelve…

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  4. I’m genuflecting as we speak

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  5. I regret all those years I wasted being alive when Gaga wasn’t around

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  6. I like the little sad emoticon you did for Thighly Cyrus (thanks Tone…)
    Did you have the DTs whilst doing that?!

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  7. You can just see it on Betty II’s face… ‘Now THIS is my kind of gal!’

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  8. Now I really want a Lemon Drop.

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  9. I just don’t get the whole Ladio GaGa (see what I did there, the song is Radio Gaga, and I changed it to make it Ladio Gaga- awaits some kind of prize fro ingenuity) thing and I think she is just ahem, ‘style’ over substance. the reality of it is, she will disappear up her own cunt soon enough, once people finally tire of her trying to be cool and I for one, can’t wait.

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  10. I’m a little on the fence. And not just metaphorically.
    See, I hear you Tequilla, but I do feel she’s an eccentric from the Kate Bush school, but I’m not entirely convinced of her ingenuity.
    Longevity is never assured these days, so I’m not banking on that… I just hope she doesn’t come out as a faux eccentric, then I’ll be upset. Not Blanche levels of upset, just a little miffed.
    And I’m assured she goes to Balans in a purely ironic way. Which is right up my alley. I never go to that place without my Irony Bonnet placed firmly on my head at a jaunty angle.

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  11. Speaking of Balans, there’s one in the new Westfield/life/world shopping centre in Shepherd’s Bush! Now who’s going to be going for a post-Shadow, pre-bumming breakfast burrito at silly o’clock in the morning in Shepherd’s Bush?

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  12. Is she rubbing her cunt?

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  13. […] in this […]

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