Well you sho’ as hell gotta look somewhere when they’re boring you to within an inch of your spine going through every last syllable of the freakin’ menu.

'Sorry, could you just repeat absolutely everything you just said?'

This story centres around a penis, by the way. What doesn’t?

And in other news, isn’t it irritating, ladies ‘n’ germs, when your waiter decides to ‘go through the specials’? It’s like when you’re introduced to someone for the very first time. And the second, third and fifth, in our case. You just never listen to their name, do you? You’re too busy looking at your own reflection in their glasses. And if they’re not wearing any, too busy thinking about what they look like naked. And if they’re unattractive, too busy thinking, Why on earth am I wasting my time with this person? That’s three seconds of my life I’ll never get back.

Anecdote: We were in a very spesh restaurant in Barcelona recently, one which decided to do away with menus and instead you had to listen to a waiter-ette reeling off baby Jesus knows what for around ten minutes. Make that eleven. There’s only so much a-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-ing one can take of an evening. And after ten/eleven minutes of this, we came to the controversial conclusion that menus really are a good thing.

*remembers to tell that one at dinner parties*

And in even more news, c) and d).

Oh, and the video… Honestly, we’d forget our heads if they weren’t never knowling soaked in gin…

 

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2 comments to “Well you sho’ as hell gotta look somewhere when they’re boring you to within an inch of your spine going through every last syllable of the freakin’ menu.”

  1. Haha, that voiceover…

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  2. There’s nothing I find more alarming that the trend for dolly waiters coming to your table to take your order and as you start reeling off your list of delectables and champagne for Lulu the dolly waiter just nods his head. Note to dolly waiter: unless you’re rain man – get a bloody pad.

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