Joe McElderry, Queen Gay of ‘Mo Towers, 69 Backdoor Passage, Boystown, Gayland, Her Majesty’s United Kingdom of Bumming, has said he’s straight.
*falls off chair; knocks head on Bauhaus side table; dreams of Joe’s teeth; wakes immediately*
He’s also a total lady but these things are utterly unrelated so don’t start, a’right?
So apart from the fact he’s the gayest thing we’ve ever laid eyes on since Elton John’s arsehole (it’s an allegory. Please), he’s the gayest thing we’ve ever laid eyes on.
Really gay thing.
And as we all know, being a big ole homo is the bestest thing in the whole wide world. We wouldn’t bum anything else. So and but, really…
*sings Disney ballad in style of Narrow Shouldered Gay; tilts head to one side; flashes tombstone teeth; says something northern; exeunts in style of a young Diana Ross…*