In an historical move (note how we said ‘an historical’. If if was only a little bit historical, we probably would have put ‘a historical’, but seeing as it’s tinged with homo-ness, it deserves a reverential ‘an’. Know what we’re sayin’?) a really, really big rugby star has come out. As a homosexual, not a debutante.
His name is Gareth Thomas, he used to be *checks notes* captain of the British Lions, he used to similar or same for the Welsh national team, he’s the most capped (with flowery bonnets?) Welsh rugby player of all time, and the 9th most capped (again, flowery?) rugby player in the whole world. And he’s a raging homosexual.
*claps like we’ve never clapped before; thoughts turn to the locker room*
This is spesh, very spesh indeed, ’cause no-one of this magnitude in rugby-ness has ever come out before. As a homosexual.
*see previous betwixt the asterisks*
Sidebar: Asterisk isn’t the easiest word to say, is it? Especially if you’re Jodie Foster. And a lesbian.
Now then now then, the only crappy thing about this whole lovely affair is that Gareth Thomas off-of gay decided to come out in today’s Daily Cunt, wank mag for the hating classes. Hypocritical? P’raps. Sadomasochistic? We’ll ask. Actually quite a good thing because it shows the Daily Mail-reading hos that, guess what, real life people who don’t look like Elton John or speak like Alan Carr have it off with the same sex ,too? Definitely maybe.
So, Gareth Thomas, welcome to the VIP room. Even though we think you’ve been a paying member for quite some time, mmmm-hmmmmn *pats hair, Mae West style-ee, etc*
Gareth Thomas *pause* we take our pants off to you. And let’s hope it’s opened the flood gates. No really, flood gates. We’re waiting, open armed/legged/whatever rocks your boat-ed.
Sidebar 2: We just emptied last night’s pockets and found a chocolate chip amidst the loose change. Significant?