Or, in the Pope’s case, an aspergill bathed in Liquid Silk (‘lightweight for that natural feeling’) whilst any cardinal/boy that comes to hand whispers, ‘You like me to be bad, doncha Daddy?’ in his ear.
Anyway, that mad man who walks around with the entire haberdashery department of John Lewis on his back and pure evil in his heart, has had another go at the gays.
Whilst addressing some poor sods or other on environmental issues (they may as well have had Basil Brush addressing the UN on nuclear disarmament), the Pope took the opportunity to have a go at gay marriage. He’s obsessed, isn’t he?
*locks door; puts Kitty on high alert*
‘We’re all gonna DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!’ he frothed at the fanny. (We ad-libbed, there. Not at the fanny.)
‘Creatures, including humans, can be protected or endangered,’ said Lady Benedict.
Clever, isn’t he-she?
‘One such attack comes from laws or proposals which, in the name of fighting discrimination, strike at the biological basis of the difference between the sexes.’
ie. Gay marriage.
‘Freedom cannot be absolute. For man, the path to be taken cannot be determined by caprice or wilfulness, but must rather correspond to the structure willed by the Creator,’ he continued, whilst waving something shiny in front of the gathered
special needs bus crowd.
Jeeze Louise, he-she’s such a control freak, isn’t he-she? So basically, we’re not allowed to do what we want – unlike the Catholic Church – and our lives are not our own. *snaps Oyster card in two* But talking of caprice, isn’t that where the word ‘Catholic’ comes from?
Oh Popey, you’re such a retarded twat. Don’t you know that bad things happen to people who choose the gays as their enemy? And really, if there is so much of that gay stuff going around that humanity is actually endangered by it (as opposed to the threat to humanity that is the Vatican’s ‘abstinence is the only way forward’ stance on HIV/AIDS) then everyone plainly wants to be gay. And who are you to get in their way? (Even though we know you want to, don’t you Daddy…!)
More to the point, in the name of all that is decent in this world, pop a fucking Tic Tac…