‘Reach out and touch, somebody’s cock, make this world a better place, if you can…’ Tra-la-la. Laaaaaa.

What are we calling this colour? 

So you know everyone’s frothing at the back-bottom hole about 3D, what with Avatar officially becoming the biggest grossing film of all time having taken 137 trillion pounds in the UK box office alone… Even though, with the power of inflation and Sooty’s magic wand, Gone With The Wind is offish still the biggest grossing film of all time… But, you know, know what we’re sayin’? You do?

Well, everyone’s jumpin’ on that bandwagon. Or bandwago’. Or bandwa’. Or b’.

Including Sky tellybox, who this weekend will broadcast the first 3D sports event ever. We think ever, though those Romans were very clever. And liked bumming. And two and two does make a nice round number where no-one gets left out… unless you’re pig ugly.

The sport in question is football. Soccer if you’re reading this on t’other side of The. Pond. The world’s highest concentration of Davidoff’s Cool Water if you’re sensitive to that sort of thing.

And the teams in question are Arsenal and Manchesterford United.

*eats a pie; lifts acrylic shirt over head; makes fists with hands, put them in air; runs around like a headless prick; makes moronic sounds*

But not everyone will get to see this thrilling match in glorious 3D. No ma’am. The lucky fellas and fell-ettes who will get to reach out and make a circle of eight on the players’ crotches like they were actually in a real life group situation with the team members in a mid-priced hotel, will be those in a select group of pubs in London, Manchester, somewhere else and somewhere else.

But then that nice Rupert ‘The Bear’ Murdoch has decided he’ll start rolling out the whole 3D thing across Sky, including taking in films, concerts, ballets and drama.

And apparently, we’ll be able to buy proper 3D tellies in less than a year.

Delia Smith will never be the same again.

Shit, porn. We were meant to say ‘porn’.

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3 comments to “‘Reach out and touch, somebody’s cock, make this world a better place, if you can…’ Tra-la-la. Laaaaaa.”

  1. I’m imagining the porn as we speak…

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  2. So long as they do 3D backstage in the changing rooms.

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  3. So, have I got this right: we all forked out on expensive HD ready tellies even though HD wasn’t ready for us, now they want us to upgrade to 3D. Can there now be a stop on technological advancements?

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