Zsa Zsa Gabor – who has always been a 49-year-old slapper (literally. Remember the ’89-slapping-a-traffic-cop incident? She was doing violence before Naomi Campbell was knee-high to a pop sock) in our misty eyes – is actually 93.
*falls off chair; gets back on*
The pushing man in the David Hasselhoff jeans ‘n’ jacket combo’ and paedo boots is none other than Piers Morgan, the worst presenter on Her Majesty’s tellybox waves since Twiggy and her turn on This Morning (wood by name, wood by nature, etceterand).
No, it’s not Piers Morgan.
No, definitely not. ‘Tis in fact none other than Frederic Prinz von Anhalt, Zsa Zsa’s ninth (count ’em! Really, count ’em! COUNT!) husband, 28 years her junior and shock contender for the role of Governor of Californication.
We’ll give you three guesses what’s coming up next… (four if you drop the soap. Five if it’s on a rope)