Hello Nicola Roberts off-of Loud Girls.
We’d like to take issue with what’s on your head. We know you’re here on This Morning this morning (uncanny!) to try and convince, as Girls Aloud’s nominated ugly duckling with feathers all stubby and ginger, the world that skin the colour of Simon Cowell’s veneers is good (Lordy it is!), but we simply can’t take our eyes off your hair.
Which we think is straight from Habitat’s lighting department.
Are we calling this a bouquet of hair? Is it all the rage? Do we need to get one?
And if you go here, you can actually watch Nicola Roberts speaking in a lesser-understood language called Dirty Scouser. Even more interestingly, she is joined, at 5 minutes and 15 seconds, by Megan. Megan not only has the same skin tone as Nicola Roberts The Pale, but speaks in a form of Dirty Scouser that can only be described as horrific.
And even more interesting than that, at 7 minutes 21 seconds, Nicola Roberts gets all lezzy with a cancer victim’s arm. Albeit the arm’s got the mange and she might catch something.
And even MORE interesting than all of that (it’s like Christmas!), is Holly Willoughby and her patronising fat tits.