No really, this is a story about arsewipe. It just so happens we had this picture of John Terry off-of cheating hanging around and decided that if we didn’t do it now, we’d never do it. Until maybe tomorrow, by which time he might have pulled his sky blue trackie bottoms up. And that would never do.
We also like how there appears to be a celestial arrow pointing to his cock. Which is surely the nearest thing to proof that the Baby Jesus walked amongst us. Well not us – we don’t like children. Someone more tolerant.
But really, this is a story about arsewipe. Or to give it its polite name, ‘shit rag, as found in one’s bathroom’.
More spermacifically, Waitrose has today launched a loo roll made out of cashmere. Priced at a reasonable-if-you-spend-money-like-it-was-milk-milk-lemonade-round-the-corner-chocolate’s-made £2.49 for a pack of four, the sheets aren’t actually made from cashmere fibres, rather the oil extracted from the hairs of the cashmere goat.
(Cashmere’s from goats? We thought it was from Uniqlo…!)
Our back bottoms are cooing as we speak.