Bitch intercepted our very private, very personal text sex sesh! Try saying that with a mouthful.

Sheer class.

This attractive young slapper, seen to the right of Ashley Cole off-of Cheryl, has done a Spooks on our ass and intercepted what was a very private series of moments between us, ourselves, I and Ashley Cole. You know, off-of Cheryl.

Sonia Wild, glamour trout and a Rumor Willis look-eeeee-like-eeeee, claims (what is this, no win no fee?) to have received explicit images (our favourite) from Ashley via the modern equivalent of paper airplanes.

Sonia, a single mother of two from Hull and quite the catch, said at first she didn’t believe she was really sexting (eugh, sexting) the England defender (defender of England?) until she received a picture of him lying in bed, being gay bummed

‘It was exciting getting a picture of a soccer star,’ said Sonia, excitedly. ‘I’d had a few glasses of wine and before long the texts got hotter and hotter until we began exchanging sexy images on our phones.’

We’ll sue!

Talking of Grindr, in today’s segment sponsored by Grindr called Grindr Moments though we’re thinking of renaming it Life of Grindr, or even Life of Grind, we went on a date with someone we found on Grindr last night. Grindr, grrrr.

Started off well in that he was indeed the same person as the picture suggested and therefore off-of hot. We laughed, we cried, we almost bummed. We exchanged pictorials of our respective domestics, we told the barmaid off for being a cunt, we moved in with each other in our heads and had mix-raced children with green eyes… It was going to be a beautiful thing written by Jonathan Harvey. We were going to take him to all the right parties, introduce him to all the right famouses, wear all the right sunglasses… So it was rather a shame that he was an absolute PSYCHO! That’s right, dear reader. PSYCHO. With an exclamation mark. Now we wouldn’t be so crass as to mention his name but if anyone sees Tom on their travels, tell him Broadmoor’s missing their star inmate.

*sobs*

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

More dolly #content:

5 comments to “Bitch intercepted our very private, very personal text sex sesh! Try saying that with a mouthful.”

  1. ugh I hate it when slappers are coy … show us the pictures and fuck off back to what ever hell hole you crawled out of.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  2. Hello.
    I’m enjoying your Life of Grind(r). More please. Tom sounds hot. The sort of bloke that’d bum you rotten then slap you about a bit afterwards.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  3. I was recently bummed rotten and then slapped about a bit by some piece of trash. Turns out, not as hot as you’d expect.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  4. Pilar, you disappoint me. I was planning on hunting this Tom fella down and exciting his anger.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  5. Lulu, honey, I think you should still go for it. I’m sure most violent thugs are hot – mine was just a one-off.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Leave a comment