This fine specimen of a trout is called Lauren Ashley. She’s Miss Beverly Hills 90210. Despite having the face of a rat cunt and hips of the Number 38 bus.
Any and a whore, Lauren Ashley is one of those stupid people. And it’s okay that we’ve taken a dislike to her, because some of our closest friends are stupid.
Lauren Ashley thinks gays deserve to die. If she is reading this right now (hello!) she’d probably put her hooves to her head in disbelief and shriek, ‘I didn’t say gays deserve to die!’ even though she did. She just used the bullshit known as Leviticus as a smokescreen for her hatred. Which is a common tactic of The Stupids.
‘The bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman,’ Lauren begins (it’s exciting, isn’t it!). ‘In Leviticus it says, “If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.”‘
‘The bible is pretty black and white,’ she adds, as the buzzards begin to circle.
First of all, we’d quite like to lie with mankind but we just don’t think we have the time.
Second of all, ist thou fucking retarded? (Rhetorical, natch.)
Now we’re aware we’re preaching to the choir (like our religious analogy? We thought we’d go the whole hog) with the delightful, enlightened readers of MeMeMe (a recent poll revealed the readers of MeMeMe to be the smartest in the land, with the largest supply of bons mots at their fingertips), but just a little word in your ear, Lauren…
When you’re spouting from the Holy Bollocks, try reading around the bits that fuel the fire of your dirty venom. Because you know what else is punishable by variations on death, stoning, banishment from the land (bearing in mind Beverly Hills 90210 didn’t exist when this nonsense was written), etc…? Are you sitting comfortably?
Eating shrimp, being a smartass to your parents, surfing the crimson wave in the wrong part of town, getting raped (not the raping, darl’ – actually being raped. Nice this God person, isn’t he?), wearing more than one fabric at the same time (going off the hair your place is Hell is secure), having sex when you’re on the blob (He’s kinda squeamish with the whole menstruation thing, isn’t He?) and gathering sticks of a Sunday. Bang goes that game of Pooh Sticks down MacArther Park… Oh, and adultery. But that never happens in Beverly Hills so you’re probably immune from that one.
In other words, Lauren Ashley, bang goes your social life…
Ladies and germs, meet... Oh, let's just call her Cunt.,