Schtupp him by all means, but don’t get him a fucking record deal!

Sucking a Midget Gem...

And please don’t use exclamation marks, not even in jest…

Before we begin, can we just say any word ending in a double p deserves special mention.

And if you hadn’t surmised through whatever means you have available to you – including schtuppin’ – Madonna’s gone and gotten Jesus a record deal.

‘Madonna was determined,’ said Source. Bet she was.

‘To give Jesus all the help she can. She holds a lot of sway at Warners, where she had a deal until very recently.’

Using those same powers of surmising – though we wish the verb was ‘surmatisation’ – you’ll probably conclude Jesus has a deal with Warner Brothers. You wouldn’t be wrong.

‘But getting him on the books wasn’t completely plain-sailing,’ continued Source, who is busier now than ever. ‘There was a little give and take between her and execs, but a compromise was eventually settled upon.’

The compromise being thus: Madonna’s had to agree to let ‘Vogue’ and ‘Like A Prayer’ be used in an advertising campaign in the US or A later in the year.

Jesus’s first single – which he secured on merit alone – is called ‘We Came From Light’.

Which is just crazy, ’cause so did we!

*gets bummed; receives half a pound of Midget Gems*

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3 comments to “Schtupp him by all means, but don’t get him a fucking record deal!”

  1. Hear that, Madonna? That’s the sound of the bottom of the barrel of your integrity.

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  2. My favourite word ending in double p is ‘schlepp’. So now you know.

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  3. We Came From Light sounds so Kaballah. I think it would do better if it was called “We Came at Night” and he could do the video with him spinning his remix…..”we came from Light, Madonna’s box used to be tight.She went to the surgeon and with a little urgin’, The Doc went to town and turned her flange upside down Now everythin is all right and we came twice from her ray of light alright!”

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