This is – almost probably – the world’s oldest dog. You can never really be sure of these things. Language is a barrier.
Any and a dirty ho’, this is Lulu. Only unlike Lulu off-of shouting, this dog doesn’t have a face pumped full of botox.
Lulu turned 21 this week. Which investigative journalists will tell you is 147 in dog years. Or three minutes in London Transport time. Or one digit away from BT’s almost certainly obsolete 1471 service, which tells you the last person who called. If it’s Mother, tell her to fuck off.
Lulu lives in Coventry, a place we are unlikely ever to go to, and her owners are Susan Parybus and Travis Buckley, 54 and 60 respectively.
Lulu is ‘a bit deaf and almost totally blind and has been known to walk into the odd wall,’ says Travis.
*does juggling routine in front of Lulu; nothing*
‘She’ll still play with all the little dogs but if a big dog comes in she just rolls on her back and plays dead. She’s a wise old girl.’
Rohypnol’s wasted on the willing.
ps. Champagne for Lulu!