Archives by date

You are browsing the site archives by date.

We would now like to kiss the groom. With tongues.

Happily hitched

This little Action Man is called James Wharton. He is 23 and he was the first gay soldier to appear on the cover of Soldier magazine (you know, some recipes, Cheryl Cole’s hair secrets and some pictures sent in by readers of their new curtains and a llama licking an ice-cream). For which we salute him.

We also need to salute (and remember, Cheryl, saluting is a good way of putting your hand to your head so that photographers can get a picture of you wearing or not wearing a ring) the fact that he is now the first member of the Household Cavalry (and that’s the oldest regiment in the entire kingdom) to have a Civil Partnership.

So, while that nice Mr. Obama has to listen to nonsense about why the gays lead to the breakdown of discipline in the army and eventually the civilised world, Jamie here will be opening his wedding presents, getting a Thai massage on honeymoon and dreaming of his first extra-marital affair.

For which we salute him. Even though our arms have started aching.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Oh, you must be one of those poor people we hear so much about!

Am I stirring it as well as Princess Diana?

She’s a canny one, that SamCam. Not only has she been smart enough to get knocked up just before an election, she is now channelling Princess Diana by turning up to do some, erm, stirring at a homeless shelter (which her notes probably needed to point out was a shelter for people who have no homes to go to. Not even second ones).

The creative director at luxury stationers Smythson, where a telephone pad costs exactly what it would take to keep seventeen homeless people off the street for a week, pitched up at The Passage to show that she knows her way around a Pot Noodle.

And why not? The Tories did so much for the homeless last time round. They increased their numbers tenfold just for starters.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Babywomen we love to hate to love (ad infinitum like in one of those mirrors with a mirror behind it)


Oh, look, it’s highly highlarious Katy Perry getting a good ol’fashioned gungeing at a children’s awards show. And isn’t she taking it in good part (though, no doubt, some small children got ripped entirely new arseholes when she got off stage)?

And in the second installment of ‘babywomen who need punching’, who would like to hear the new Paris Hilton record? It has that really fun little catch in her voice that you love and includes the lyric ‘I wanna be the bunny in your Easter’, which gets us right there *hand goes to place on stomach where bile is made*

Jump the jump if you can bear it (but make sure there are no open windows or sharp knives within reach)… (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Who would sack this fresh faced pixie from her underwear modelling contract just because she turned out to be a nasty, drug-taking skank?


‘Friends of Ms. Geldof say she is “devastated”‘. And that’s a feel-good story where we come from.

So, it turns out Ultimo bosses got together to discuss whether Ms. Geldof (aka Dirty Peaches, and not in a good way) could remain as the face and fat-arse body of the Miss Ultimo range following revelations of a heroin-fuelled night of taking it every which way last November. They decided she couldn’t. *sheds tear of pure mirth*

What we would like to know is a). why would you employ a pasty-faced fatty to front your lingerie line in the first place? b). what did they actually think she was like if not a hard-drug-taking piece of filth? and c). just how far this fruit fell from the tree? 

PS We would not be so harsh on Ms. Peaches if it were not for first-hand information that she is a very nasty piece of work *curtsies and so prettily that the court of King Louis XIV takes us in to play the lute and teach ‘le tout’ Versailles the quadrille*

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

If this picture didn’t already paint 1,000 words (two of which would be ‘do me’), then you’ll be surprised to learn that Ricky Martin has come out as a big gay

You SO would!

Oh, Ricky, you’re so fine, you’re so fine, you blow (us or) our minds, hey Ricky.

Notwithstanding the music or the overuse of the world ‘spiritual’, we have always had a lot of time for Ricky Martin. A lot more time for him than he’s had for us, if truth be told, but that’s a whole different bottle of eco-friendly handwash.

Anyways, it turns out that Ricky Martin is a gay *falls off chair, sustains mild concussion, makes movie called The Headless Woman about someone with mild concussion (it’s true! Don’t go to that movie! It is bad)*

‘I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man,’ said Ms. Martin on his website. ‘I am very blessed to be who I am.’ For which we applaud him, though we lament his timing. The reason for his heretofore silence on the matter of whether he was an aggressive top or a greedy bottom was, he says, fear (so, he’s a bottom).

‘A few months ago I decided to write my memoirs,’ he goes on, drawing slowly on a gold-tipped pink Sobrani cigarillo (well, he’s an out gay now, he can do what he likes), ‘a project I knew was going to bring me closer to an amazing turning point in my life. From the moment I wrote the first phrase I was sure the book was the tool that was going to help me free myself from things I was carrying within me for a long time.’ What, a butt plug he couldn’t get out?

‘Things that were too heavy for me to keep inside.’ Butt plug then. One of the big rubber ones. ‘Writing this account of my life, I got very close to my truth. And this is something worth celebrating.’

*opens bottle of champenoise to celebrate, forgets what is being celebrated, drinks entire bottle anyway*

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Would you like to see this cute rugby player learn how to measure his penis from a hot gay doctor with a tape measure? Do gay bears have anonymous sex in the woods?

First, let us loosen your clothing...

Don’t worry, it’s all very respectable and done in the name of science and television entertainment on UK TV’s Embarrassing Bodies, though the guy hasn’t NOTHING to be embarrassed about, trust us: he has a very nice, longish, chunkyish, uncut penis.

Treat yourself to the pictures over the jump (not safe for work unless you work at home and have already loosened your clothing) and maybe even link to the video… Why not? It’s Monday and heaven knows you deserve nice things…


VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 7.7/10 (10 votes cast)

‘No, I’m sorry that wasn’t a very good answer.’ Well, you said it, Dave.

Smug much?

Just when you thought it was OK to vote Conservative again because even though you are gay, you are from Middle England, enjoy the Daily Cunt, wear chinos and think that under a Conservative government you might save 7p a week on National Insurance, can we remind you what a useless twat Mr. David Cameron is.

In this interview with Gay Times (or GT as we prefer to call it, not wishing to have the word ‘gay’ on the cover of a magazine in our house in case our mum should come round, pick it up thinking it’s Take A Break and she wants to catch up on top household tips like if you put the bottom of your kitchen curtains in plastic bags then they won’t get wet from the sink during washing up), cunningly filmed for the GT (it’ll always mean gintonica to us) website, we see Dave getting himself into a pickle over those pesky gay rights. Or G rights as we’ve rebranded them, so as not to scare our mum.

The bottom line is he apparently agrees that your gayness (G-ness) is a human right, but allows his Euro MPs to vote whicheverwhich way they like in European elections on G rights, now that they’re all cosy in bed with some very nasty homophobic Poles. Or does he? Can we turn the cameras off so he can concentrate for a moment? It’s all getting on top of him. And he can’t think straight with so many gays in the room.

And he couldn’t quite get his own story straight in the Attitude interview either: apparently, adoption rights for gays (which he voted against, by the way) are absolutely top hole. As long as every last straight crack-pipe-toting couple has been checked first. Because ‘mum and dad is best’. But then you knew that.
So, in a nutshell, do not be fooled by this fool come voting day. See the cock-up over the jump… PS Doesn’t he have sort of sausage coloured skin? (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Brave Kylie. Breakthrough Breast Cancer. Clothes off. Target. Campaign. Mario Testino.


There you go. Make up your own news story with those ingredients because we simply cannot be bothered.

PS Doesn’t she have the gullible-looking teeth of an 11-year-old? We wonder whose they are.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)