‘Mr Allcock. My headmaster.’ Bet he is.

We've been real bad, sir.

First of all, has anyone noticed the kids in EastEnders have started talking ‘street’? Wethinks they had a top level business meeting during which top level producers wore business bonnets just so, and said things like ‘blue sky bumming’ and ‘you know what we need?’ and ‘I just spoke with my psychic and she said all our work from now on has to be translated into Japanese’.

(We actually worked with someone who said that last one. He’s a cunt.)

Anyway, in this top level business meeting with bonnets and maybe even a delicious chocolate-covered croissant, we think the work experience put his/her/his-her hand up and said, ‘You know what? Yes, you over there! You know what the word on the street is? That the dialogue on EastEnders is so un-fucking-naturalistic. S’true. We know there’s a watershed to think about but at least Coronation Street refers to well-known brands of chocolate biscuit. Crunch biscuits at that. What’s our excuse?’

At which point the work experience got a slap, was sent out to Snappy Snaps, and EastEnders write-y people got to write-y-ing dialogue that was exactly the same as it ever was, only with ‘innit’ stuck at the end of every third line belonging to any character under the age of 23.

We think we have a revolution on our hands.

And talking of bumming, we like EastEnders’ new character, ‘Mr Allcock. My headmaster’, who was introduced with a bag of balls on last night’s show at 16min 23sec.  

We would like to be the judge of that.

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3 comments to “‘Mr Allcock. My headmaster.’ Bet he is.”

  1. Oh, ding dong!

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  2. I love all my cocks.

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  3. I’d hit that …

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