Now don’t come out of a bag on us; we’re fond of teeth and an eyebrow. Just not these teeth or this eyebrow.
These timely reminders of how not to groom are Dealbreakers #3 and #7 in the Top 10 of the Dealbreaker Hit Parade. Numbers 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9 and 10 we’ll come to another time, but to give a few hints, ‘Face like a rat cunt’ and ‘Shiny gay skin’ are both in there.
We once had an altercation with an eyebrow. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t biff-ugly either but necessitated not leaving the house for seven days. During which time we turned grey and took to wearing a headscarf. It was very Grey Gardens.
We know a male man who has the lady-est eyebrows you ever did see. From the eyes up, he’s Greta Garbo. Combine that with alpha-hydroxied shiny gay skin (can’t you tell this one’s a winner?), over-familiarity with Maybelline New York Dream Matte Mousse Foundation, narrow shoulders and a walk that hasn’t seen male since 1972, and you have the dolliest dolly in the whole wide world.
Amazingly, he gets bummed.
In conclusion, unless those ‘brows have to be made into a bun and placed in a hair net each morning or you’ve got a mono thick enough to hide a Madeleine McCann, please leave be. Pleaseleavebe.
Moving onto teeth. There’s a little light whitening, then there’s looking like you’ve got a Warburton’s Toastie loaf shoved in there.
In conclusion, no.