And who turned up at the LND premiere? The great, the good, the not-so-great, the cunts in fur coats…

Funnest celebrity spots of the evening were fatty old Michael ‘I’m not gay until I come out in a couple of years’ time’ Ball trying to run and having to ‘lovey’ everyone every couple of steps. The ‘trying to run’ bit was funny in itself. Oh, and Sarah Kennedy off-of Radio 2 looking old and withered as she sat waiting for the bus to go with a very handsome much younger man who - surely! - can’t be her husband.

We had a quick word with John Partridge, the gay off-of EastEnders, whose companion wouldn’t let him tell us what he thought of the play in case it ended up on a blog.

And we were sure it was Duncan off-of Blue and Legally Blonde next to us in the queue for the loo but thought he must be in Legally Blonde and not at a theatre watching an entirely different show. Turned out it was him.

Funny to see Joanna Page off-of Gavin and Stacey giving it all that like she was Sir Dame Helen Mirren or something.

Also in attendance were Sir Michael Caine and Lady Shakatak; Chris Evans (not the actor, the DJ), Sir Terry Wogan and Lady Helen, Trinny, not Susannah, Elaine Paige and, most predictably, Killer Black, who was all over Duncan off-of Blue now she knows he’s a gay.